A few months ago on the daily train commute home from work a colleague began extolling the twisted virtues of Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith's dark comedy anthology programme 'Inside No. 9.' This colleague and I share similar pop cultural tastes and I have always trusted his judgement in regards to quality television but I had always believed 'The League of Gentlemen' to be less than the sum of its frequently inspired parts and never found the excess grotesqueries of 'Psychoville' in the least appealing. So I listened and made a few mental notes but thought little more about it after stepping onto the platform at Ely station. And then, in a post-Christmas chocolate induced fug and struggling to find anything to watch on telly, my wife - who also possesses excellent televisual taste - and I decided to give the opening episode of the latest series a whirl. Half an hour later we were hooked and a week later we had burned through every episode available on IPlayer.
This introduction, then, is part rambling apologia to my friend and colleague (he knows who he is) and partly the gushing tribute of the arriviste and zealous new convert to a television experience like no other. Not that there aren't precedents for disturbing anthology series - indeed, there is a well trodden path from 'The Twilight Zone' to 'Tales of the Unexpected' to the current 'Black Mirror' - but none of them mix comedy and horror, outrage and poignancy, realism and artifice quite as seamlessly as Pemberton and Shearsmith's tour de force. For sheer structural bravery alone they should be commended, as they should for the audacity of creating an entirely new world from scratch week after week. But 'Inside No. 9 ' provides depth as well as trickery, frequently asking more probing questions about the human condition in 29 minutes than most mainstream dramas manage in a whole series. And then, of course, there are the twists...
This rundown ranks every episode from worst to best of the four series extant (a fifth has just been commissioned for 2019 which is fantastic news but does mean I'll have to redo this bloody list in a year's time) and is, as always, wildly subjective. I have given lengthier summaries for each entry than is usual for this blog, partly because there are only 24 of them and partly because I feel that the episodes' complexities merit closer attention. I hope I have not overdone it. I should also point out that, contrary to how it may appear from the reviews of lower ranking episodes, I love (or at least like) every one of them and assert that even the weakest of them have plenty of things to offer an attentive viewer. In addition, and mindful of the fact that this piece may be read by newcomers to 'Inside No. 9,' I have endeavoured to keep the analysis 'spoiler-free'; I have, however, inevitably failed here and there so...be warned. As a parting shot I should say that the one sentence precis that accompanies each review is not my own but cribbed from the episode descriptions on Amazon
24
Will it be the star, the dame, the girl next door or the ingenue? Only one of them can win
The latest series of 'Inside No. 9' has brought us numerous gems from high farce to macabre horror but it was also not without its weaker moments. For my money 'And the Winner Is' is the most underwhelming episode of the show thus far. Pemberton and Shearsmith have taken potshots at the pretensions of those in the self-aggrandizing media world before but never has it felt quite so self-referential and insular as in this BAFTA-baiting jury pastiche. Unusually for 'Inside No. 9' the characters are shallow and stereotypical and given no room to convincingly grow - witness the bitchy critic's sudden, jarring realisation of her loneliness and inadequacy. The whole thing feels too much like a compilation of anecdotes that the show's creators have heard over the years, glued together by a twist that is both blindingly obvious and makes no actual narrative sense.
23
With £88 on offer, can Hector and Tabitha get Katy to baby-sit their disabled elder brother?
Despite Pemberton and Shearsmith's much advertised fondness for old school gothic horror I tend to find that the weakest episodes of 'Inside No. 9' are those of an overtly supernatural bent. They are so adept at exposing the real-life terrors that disturb and unnerve us that monsters and devilry in draughty old houses ends up feeling a tad cheap and diluted. Which is not to say that there is nothing to recommend the closer to series 1 - the winning central performance from Aimee-Ffion Edwards as the street-smart yet ultimately overwhelmed schoolgirl Katy, the brilliantly chilling depictions of the Harrowing of Hell that adorn this no. 9's gloomy walls and some cracking one liners that (slightly) dissipate the ponderous sense of dread - but the plot is cliched and predictable whilst the lack of any substantial closing twist simply renders the previous 29 minutes rather unedifying and unsatisfying viewing.
22
Tina visits Madame Talbot, a spirit medium. What terrors will descend during the seance?
If you are paying anything like close attention to this list you will notice that there are a number of series finales clogging up this end of proceedings. 'Inside No. 9' does have an annoying habit of sprinting out of the blocks only to limp over the finish line and, unfortunately, series 2's closing episode is a prime example. The problem is that it is a programme of tonally different segments that just don't marry up. The between-takes banter of the hidden camera show crew at the story's heart may be very funny and skewer the pomposity of luvvies savagely (thanks mainly to Alison Steadman's turn as the diva-ish 'medium' Madame Talbot) but it is such a lengthy part of the overall narrative that when things are obliged to get scary towards the end it is difficult to work up the requisite level of terror. It doesn't help that, if you've already seen a handful of 'Inside No. 9's, the twist can be seen coming a mile off. Enjoy it for its witty lampooning of telly folk but don't expect too much in the way of cohesive storytelling.
21
Fragments. A special invitation to a private view of Elliot Quinn's final exhibition
Lo and behold, another series finale. A grand guignol riff on Agatha Christie's 'And Then There Were None' 'Private View' is never less than fun, but it seldom rises above the cheap shots of the series' laziest script and the stunt casting of Peter Kay and Felicity Kendall. Series 3 was the darkest set of stories to date and it may well be that this garish, cartoonish slasher homage was intended as a counterbalance to the disturbing episodes that had gone before. It is hardly feelgood fluff - it boasts one of 'Inside No. 9's highest body counts - but it is relatively undemanding and contains some amusing jibes at reality TV stars and erotic novelists. The trouble is that when Pemberton and Shearsmith try to be explicitly satirical they inevitably lose the light and shade that makes their best work so enduring. Nevertheless, 'Private View's throwaway nature actually benefits the twist, which doesn't stand up to much scrutiny but satisfies after its own gorily daft fashion.
20
A paramedic speeds to a 79th birthday party that has gone terribly, terribly wrong
Whisper it softly but 'Nana's Party' is actually pretty conventional sitcome fare. We're talking the more bittersweet, tragicomic end of the spectrum here but, really, there is little in this episode that would look too out of place on 'One Foot in the Grave.' Not that that's a bad thing and, indeed, 'Nana's Party' is packed full of awkward social comedy and hatchet jobs on middle class mores. Claire Skinner reprises her highly strung mum act from 'Outnumbered' whilst Lorraine Ashbourne is deliciously cringeworthy as her alcoholic sister Carol; Pemberton and Shearsmith are fine but rather overshadowed by the female members of the cast. This was actually the first script written for 'Inside No. 9' but its more domestic nature saw it shelved until series 2. You can kind of see why; its a solid half hour of uncomfortable family-based comedy but it does feel somewhat inapposite when compared to the rest of their oeuvre.
19
If a successful West End actor was suddenly indisposed, only his understudy would benefit...
The first 'Inside No. 9' to explicitly reference the theatrical milieu - and Shakespeare in particular - is a neat little confection structured like a five act tragedy and putting a meta-textual spin on the intrigues of the 'Scottish Play.' 'The Understudy' also broadens the environmental palette of the series by placing the action outside of a domestic setting for the first time. Plotwise it is pretty standard ground for Pemberton and Shearsmith as it quickly becomes obvious that we are watching life imitating art in the dressing room of the great Shakespearean thespian - and all-round bullying shit - Tony Warner. Warner is Pemberton's first tour de force performance of the series; a monstrous egomaniac who is nonetheless completely credible and even pitiable by the episode's conclusion - although even he is nearly upstaged by Julia Davis' officious lesbian stage manager.
18
Two notorious witch-finders are hired to try an old woman seen consorting with the devil
I need to tread carefully in appraising this episode as I know at least a couple of people who absolutely adore it. Reece Shearsmith himself has also stated that 'Trial' is arguably his favourite 'Inside No. 9.' Yet to my mind, and despite the fact that the script incorporates 'evidence' from a host of 'genuine' 17th century witch-trials, this 'Witchfinder General'-meets-'Carry on Devil Worshipping' suffers from a major identity crisis. The problem is that the very nature of a witch-trial is so inherently absurd that lathering on a further layer of broad comedy - David Warner's kinky predilection for instruments of torture, the infamous 'Goody Two Shoes' gag - renders any horror or impending dread null and void. It becomes hard to care about either the fate of Gadge herself or Clarke's (Pemberton) crisis of conscience, when Shearsmith is indulging his cod-Vincent Price impression and the whole thing is being played for laughs. In 'Trial's defence there are plenty of those laughs and the concluding double twist, whilst foreseeable, is impressively done. But I can't help feeling that it could have been so much more.
17
A charity brings legendary singer Frankie J Parsons to cheer up sick little girl, Tamsin
Pemberton has described 'Last Gasp' as an episode of 'My Family' gone horribly wrong. It is an accurate appraisal of a jet-black half hour that sets up a classic cringe comedy situation and then goes on to subvert the whole scenario with deliciously dark brio. As well as being uncomfortably funny the episode is a convincing examination of greed, personal desperation and the appalling self-justifications that ordinary people are prepared to entertain in pursuit of personal gain. In that respect it is an oddly moral installment as the viewer is asked to empathise with the only honourable character - the terminally ill Tamsin - and will her to put an end to the immoral madness swirling around her. Meanwhile, another Tamsin - Greig, as the morally bankrupt WishmakerUK rep - gets all the best lines and Pemberton plays his frustrated middle class dad shtick to perfection.
16
A karaoke night turns into an evening of hopes, dreams, romance and betrayal
On the surface this bittersweet tale of love, rivalry and disappointment at an office karaoke party suffers from the same problem as 'Nana's Party;' namely that it is all very amusing and well put together but doesn't do anything fundamentally different to a host of other 21st century sitcoms based on social embarrassment and tragicomic character development. Which would be the case but for one key component: 'Empty Orchestra's inspired use of popular music standards to complement the action taking place in booth 9 of the karaoke bar. This conceit provides just the right level of artifice to lift the episode out of the sub-Office doldrums and inject its conclusion with a genuine poignancy and - shock, horror! - feelgood vibe.
15
A group of friends go for a meal out - but ultimately somebody has to pay the bill
In any other context the concept of spending 30 minutes in the company of four middle aged men arguing over which one of them should pay a restaurant bill would be far from appealing. But this is 'Inside No. 9' so we can look forward to sparkling dialogue, subtle interplay between the quartet of protagonists, copious veering off down unexpected narrative avenues and a killer double twist at the story's conclusion. All of which we get, although there are undeniably moments when the pace flags and some needlessly unpleasant lines intrude into the delicately poised action. Yet the seemingly endless methods that Pemberton and Shearsmith invent to prolong the non-payment of the eponymous tariff are so dazzlingly labyrinthine and the performances so compelling that the episode has arrived at its marvellously twisty end-point before you've even paused for breath.
14
Harriet is far from happy in her marriage to Adrian. Can they make a fresh start?
Just when we were enjoying the (comparatively) lighter tone of series 4 'To Have and to Hold' punches us in the gut and leaves us twitching and exhausted by its harrowing conclusion. From its very first episode 'Inside No. 9' has consistently pushed the boundaries of what is deemed acceptable subject matter for a BBC sitcom to tackle, although Pemberton and Shearsmith have regularly decried the categorisation of their oeuvre as comedy at all. There are certainly precious few laughs in this study of stagnant marriage even before you reach the stomach-lurching twist midway through the episode. It is debatable as to whether 'To Have and to Hold' journeys too far to the dark side but, regardless of personal taste, the episode is a structural marvel and Pemberton, as the superficially uber-boring wedding photographer Adrian, has never been better.
13
David and Louise's world is changed forever by a random discovery in a local street
'Diddle Diddle Dumpling' hardly ever gets mentioned in discussions of 'Inside No. 9,' which is a shame as, whilst it may lack the attention grabbing nastiness and intricate structural conceits of series 3's more grandstanding moments, the subtle, affecting story of a stay-at-home dad's obsession with a lost shoe deserves considerably more attention. For one thing it contains Reece Shearsmith's single greatest dramatic performance, enabling him to step out of his comrade's formidable acting shadow and prove that he can do complex and vulnerable as well as nerdily creepy. He is ably supported by Keeley Hawes as his long suffering wife in a quietly powerful tale that drifts inexorably from domestic comedy to unsettling melancholy to a nightmarish descent into mental breakdown. Although the final, shocking twist is arguably not really required.
12
A telephone advice centre has a new volunteer, ready to comfort the lonely and desperate
Another unfairly neglected installment 'Cold Comfort' marks Pemberton and Shearsmith's directorial debut and constitutes one of the most technically impressive episodes of 'Inside No. 9.' The action is relayed through the CCTV feed of the Comfort Support Line, a Samaritans-esque counselling service that employs some distinctly dysfunctional volunteers. The perils and pitfalls of not maintaining emotional distance from distressed callers is made abundantly clear to well-meaning new recruit Andy (Pemberton) but, this being 'Inside No. 9,' all is not as it first appears - and that's when the CCTV footage really comes into play. The setting makes for some typically bleak psychological horror, although Jane Horrocks' office gossip Liz provides a number of chortles and there is a marvellously puerile cup-of-wee gag to lighten the mood a little. A strong addition to series 2 and further proof of Pemberton and Shearsmith's restless experimentation.
11
A hoarder's flat, a blood-stained floor and an inescapable curse from beyond the grave
After three series of underwhelming series closers, 'Tempting Fate' finally gives us the strong ending we've been craving. A brilliantly sinister tale of ancient curses, dangerous wishes and - that familiar trope of 'Inside No. 9' - overweening personal greed. The first half of the episode provides some rich comedy in the interactions between a trio of council contractors sent to sift through a deceased hoarder's property before spiraling into a tense, increasingly foreboding battle of wills as the evil nature of an ornamental hare is made only too apparent. There is, for the 'Inside No. 9' superfan, a delightfully rewarding in-joke here; the hare makes an appearance in every single episode of the show, tucked away somewhere unobtrusive in the background. In placing the prop centre stage Pemberton and Shearsmith open up a tantalising can of worms in regards to every tale that has gone before. This extra textual layer to 'Tempting Fate' lends what is already a deeply satisfying and scary story an air of added import and enigma.
10
When a schoolteacher repays a good turn, he becomes a victim of his own generosity...
Another forensic psychological treatise and one of the high water marks of series 1, 'Tom and Gerri' invites comparison with the work of Harold Pinter in its examination of the chaos and disorder that a mysterious stranger can introduce into a previously safe and comfortable situation. One of the cleverer things that the episode manages to do is repeatedly shift sympathy between its two central protagonists (unfulfilled primary school teacher Tom and enigmatic 'indigent' Migg) as their curious relationship develops. Although it has attracted controversy for its portrayal of mental health issues 'Tom and Gerri's final pay-off is both ingenious and deliciously ambiguous, leaving the viewer haunted and intrigued at the final frame.
9
Proposals, plots and prostitutes combine for a comedy of errors on floor nine
As series 1's 'The Understudy' shows Pemberton and Shearsmith have form with tricksy adaptations of the Bard but whereas their Macbeth homage was murky and naturalistic 'Zanzibar' revels in playful artifice and extreme stylisation. A partial updating of 'The Comedy of Errors' set on the ninth floor of a very sexually liberal hotel the episode throws just about every element of theatrical farce into the mix: doubles, long lost families, innuendo-fuelled misunderstandings and the path of true love all get ample airtime as a seasoned cast that includes Rory Kinnear, Bill Paterson and the incomparable Marcia Warren rattle through the iambic pentameters with filthy abandon. For all that we love 'Inside No. 9's gothic dread and macabre humour 'Zanzibar' proves that Pemberton and Shearsmith can do giddily upbeat nonsense brilliantly also.
8
A motley collection of passengers try to sleep on a train as it travels across France
Series 2's opener broadens the locations that comprise the no. 9 by setting the action in the sleeper carriage of an intercontinental train. Indeed much of the comedy in this, one of the most riotously funny entries to the series, stems from complete strangers being thrown together in such cramped and undignified surroundings. A fabulous ensemble cast that boasts Julie Hesmondhalgh, Mark Benton and Jack Whitehall playing Jack Whitehall eke out every ounce of humour from a series of cracking set-pieces and when, halfway through, the narrative takes an unexpected turn the pace and tone of proceedings remain spot on. One of the series' crispest and simplest double twists results in a thoroughly satisfying half-hour's entertainment.
7
In this silent farce, burglars attempt to steal a priceless painting from a luxury home
Two episodes into the first series and Pemberton and Shearsmith throw themselves headlong into one of the hardest televisual genres out there: silent comedy. Some folk would have us believe that 'A Quiet Night In' is a masterpiece and, whilst that may be overstating matters, this Keaton-esque heist farce is a triumph of form and physical humour, with everything from oversized dogs to pepper spray to blow-up dolls utilised in the name of frustrating a pair of bungling burglars who are trying to get their gloved hands on a priceless piece of modern art. Arguably the episode's greatest achievement is elaborating fresh ways to prolong the slender plotline for 30 minutes and manoeuvre events into the position where Kayvan Novak's deaf and dumb salesman can deliver the narrative's coup de grace - and the only line of dialogue in the whole half hour.
6
Moving day. Anything might happen in the last ten minutes and the ten minutes before that
Of all Pemberton and Shearsmith's technical experiments, from silent comedy to iambic pentameter, 'Once Removed's manipulation of linear time may just be the most masterly. Beginning with the seemingly ludicrous culmination of a byzantine black comedy the episode works backwards in ten minute segments to explain how all the puzzle pieces fall into place. The plotting and pacing are meticulous, as indeed they have to be, and even a couple of unanswered questions can't dilute the audacity of the enterprise. The top five entries in this list all attempt to go beyond the boundaries of conventional television comedy drama, be it in terms of character development, structural ingenuity or sheer spit-your-coffee-out shock value. 'Once Removed' never claims to be anything other than a brilliantly constructed and terrifically entertaining technical exercise and, in this, it succeeds unequivocally.
5
Nina thinks Squires has the answers. With deadly intent they begin a battle of wits
A key part of 'Inside No. 9's enormous appeal lies in its ability to be relentlessly clever and experimental across a broad range of genres and styles, from the childishly silly to the technically tricksy to the emotionally devastating. 'The Riddle of the Sphinx' is Pemberton and Shearsmith's most stunningly cerebral achievement, a clockwork plot centred upon the systems and structures of cryptic crosswords where the impenetrable answers to the 'Sphinx's puzzles feed, in turn, into a fiendishly complex and breathtakingly dark narrative. This is gothic horror as academic exercise and it works due to two compelling performances from Pemberton as condescending intellectual Professor Squires and Alexandra Roach as 'emotionally intelligent' naif Nina, plus the precision and pacing of director Guillem Morales. In the final five minutes the whole house of cards threatens to collapse under the weight of its multiple twists, but the narrative pulls through to provide a unique half hour in British television history.
4
Austria. Krampusnacht, 1977. Good children get presents, and bad children are punished
Until the remorselessly grim 'To Have and to Hold' hove into view midway through the last series 'The Devil of Christmas' held the distinction of being 'Inside No. 9's most gloriously nasty episode. Not that you would think that for the vast majority of the programme's 29 minute running time, as the action takes the form of an authentically grainy, comically amateurish 1970s horror B-movie, complete with bombastic, mosutachioed lead, wholesome be-sweatered ingenue and, rather wonderfully, Rula Lenska. This stylistic departure, enhanced by a velvety 'director's commentary' from Derek Jacobi, would merit attention on its own terms and, indeed, the tacky shlock-horror pastiche is pitched to perfection by fanboys Pemberton and Shearsmith. But the diabolical genius of 'The Devil of Christmas' rests on its final minute and the open-mouthed reaction to a spectacular change of tone and context that stays with the viewer long after the closing credits have rolled. For a number of critics the episode went too far but, to my mind, 'The Devil of Christmas' represents the peak of 'Inside No. 9's obsession with the dark, disturbing and macabre.
3
At an engagement party, a bedroom with old baggage in it has been left unlocked
In its very first episode 'Inside No. 9' laid down both a marker of what was to come and a gauntlet to every other piece of 'quality drama' on British television. Set primarily inside an admittedly capacious wardrobe during the engagement party of Rebecca and Jeremy 'Sardines' boasts one of the biggest and best casts of any episode yet marshals and examines every one in a staggering feat of economical characterisation and narrative concision. As more and more party guests join the game of 'sardines' in the wardrobe half a dozen mini-storylines are played out within, from Jeremy's unrequited love for his ex, Rachel (who is also present) to the misapprehension of cleaner Geraldine that she has been invited as a guest to the grasping Mark and Elizabeth's attempts to tap up Rebecca's father for a business contact. At the heart of it all is a superb performance from Tim Key as the tedious, awkward and indefinably creepy Ian and a lurch into disturbing territory in the episode's final third that leads to a tremendous closing twist. For any other show 'Sardines' would prove impossible to top. But not for 'Inside No. 9'...
2
Northern double-act Len and Tommy reform for one last gig as Cheese and Crackers
It is always hard to choose between masterpieces and 'Inside No. 9' has two. When all said and done, and despite the eulogising of the show's more macabre elements, 'Inside No. 9' is at the peak of its powers when it explores the human condition with humanity, pathos and a generosity of spirit. 'Bernie' is almost unbearably poignant in its portrait of an ageing variety act drawn inexorably towards each other after an acrimonious split decades previously. Speculation is rife as to the real-life template for Cheese and Crackers, with everybody from Cannon and Ball to the League of Gentlemen themselves being mentioned. What is clear, however, is the abiding fondness that Pemberton and Shearsmith have for these unfashionable old-school comics; whilst we are permitted to laugh at the poor quality of their routines we are never invited to mock Cheese and Crackers (or Shelby and Drake to give them their 'real' names) themselves. This is a beautiful story about platonic love, the demands of friendship, fear of failure and the passage of time that tugs at the heart strings without ever descending to cheap sentimentality or feeling in the least bit manipulative. 'Bernie' is also a masterclass in television acting; a virtual two-hander which, for once, sees Shearsmith match Pemberton in subtlety, nuance and passion. A magnificent piece of work in every respect.
1
Christine brings a new man home to her flat and within seconds her life starts to change
Every online poll of this nature places 'The Twelve Days of Christine' at the top of the pile and I am not about to rock the boat. The difficulty of appraising the episode in a forum such as this is that to reveal even the tiniest snippet of information about the plot risks ruining a stone cold televisual masterwork for anybody who has not yet watched it. Suffice it to say that the usual superlatives do not do justice here; either to the towering central performance from the frighteningly talented Sheridan Smith or the phenomenal structural accomplishment of telling such a complete story in such a remarkable way in such a short space of time or the incredibly powerful emotional impact of a conclusion that, seemingly, hardly anybody sees coming. All that can really be stated of the narrative here is that the episode is divided into a dozen public holidays in the adult life of Christine and that there is no better dramatic example of misdirection in British television. But 'Christine' is so, so much more than just a fiendishly clever reversal of expectations, for the substance of the plot more than matches the style, leaving the viewer reeling as the screen fades to black. There are flashes of humour but, make no mistake, this is heavyweight drama of the highest order; scary, emotional, compelling, profound and, probably, the subject of innumerable future media studies dissertations. Oh, and the finest half hour of British TV so far this century.
